Breaking Up Is Good (too)

The purity culture of my youth tells me that the best love story is the one where I marry the first man I ever date.

To my chagrin, I have a messy break-up with that athletic high school boy that I loved.

Will I forever have second best?

My sister meets a man in college, dates and marries him.

As for me, I don’t have any long-term relationships in college, date a man many years my senior when I live in Paraguay, and then break up.

I go out on several dates while in seminary, but no one really catches my fancy until several years later. We date, get engaged, and then break up.

Online dating never really works out for me, but it keeps me in “the game.”

I think it is romantic and fitting, for someone who loves the church calendar, that I meet him on Ash Wednesday. We date for nine months (like gestation) and then break up on the first day of Advent. Go figure—the day we start the Church year, we end.

I finally find one who sticks, get married and have a baby.

And I’m so glad for all those break-ups.

They hurt. They always do. They hurt a lot and for a long time.

We weren’t meant to love and lose—we see that not only in romantic relationships, but also in friendships, and finally in death. Something in us wars against it, but because of sin, relationships end for varied reasons.

But I’m so glad for all those break-ups.

I’d be glad for them even if I were still in “the game.”

Each time I learn more about who I am, who I want to be, and what works for me in relationship.

Each time, I learn to use my voice better and find confidence that is rooted in God rather than in an earthly relationship

Each time I learn that breaking up doesn’t mean I no longer love him; it means I can’t go the next step with him.

Each time I learn how to grieve losses, celebrate gains, and be a human with beautiful scars.

I'm so glad for all those break-ups. Click To Tweet

And I’m also glad my sister never broke up. She has a beautiful family that I deeply love, and she has her own beautiful scars.

But I don’t envy her story. Her story is hers; my story is mine.

I love my story, because it’s the one I get to live. I embrace my unique journey.

I love my story because it's the one I get to live. Click To Tweet

And I’m so glad for all those break-ups.

4 comments on “Breaking Up Is Good (too)Add yours →

  1. Thank you for this post. I am stil grieving a difficult, break-up…part of me still hopes that something can happen again one day. However, I have to be realistic as well. God has a different story for each of us…it would be boring if they were all the same.

      1. Thank you! I have not seen it yet, but I definitely will read that one. 🙂 I must remember to be my hope in Him because He is the only One who won’t fail me.

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