I’m good at dwelling on negative things. When I want to concentrate, I really can, and I go down a negative spiral and dwell hard at the bottom. It’s not living—it’s dwelling and plumbing the depths of negativity without seeing any “out.” I can dwell quite easily and well there—the path to dwelling in negativity is well-worn in my mind.
But I don’t like it. And it doesn’t help me.
I had a choice yesterday. Somehow, I thought that if I left my hotel at 6am I would be able to make my flight at 6:55.
Clearly, I didn’t make it.
I left a little after six, and it took me more than 20 minutes to get to the airport.
I’m not gonna lie. Tears of frustration came to my eyes. I wanted to get home to see my little boy. I wanted to teach in the afternoon so I wouldn’t have to do it online, and I wanted to hear the guest speaker I had slated in my evening class.
I was frustrated, angry, and pushing away thoughts that maybe I did something stupid.
My husband told me it was no big deal and these things happen. I chose to believe him.
I could have gone down the negative spiral and given in to my exhaustion, been hard on myself, and dwelt in negativity.
I chose not to. I chose to go back to Atlanta. I chose to enjoy going to Trenton and taking the train to New York.
And in doing so, I got to meet a friend for lunch that I thought I would have missed, meet others to share a taxi on the dark stormy night in Trenton, and be joyful as I returned home to my family, a home-cooked meal, and a happy husband and boy.
I can change my habits and not dwell in negativity.
It’s hard, but I can. I can choose. I am free.
Will you help me like my husband helped me?
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
(Ps 91:1-2, NIV)