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Desire. Engagement. Failure. God.

My story of relationship failure is about to be published in the book Everbloom: Stories of Deeply Rooted and Transformed Lives. I’m honestly not sure how I feel about it. Everbloom is a book containing the personal stories of female authors who form the group Redbud Writers Guild. It will be released on April 25. But, as a preview, Redbud has published an…

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Sex, Self-Control, and Doing What We Want

I’m of the opinion that, in general, we do what we want to do, we avoid what we dislike, and, if you look at how we spend our time, you can see our priorities: we do what we value. Certainly some actions are done out of obligation, but most of us feel free enough to regularly reject obligation in favor…

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In Praise of Slow Courtship (and Country Music) Part I

I’d like to take a few moments to praise dating slowly (and country music). Please allow me a few clarifications: I’m not advocating you kiss dating goodbye and I am not calling you back to a premodern state of chaperones, parlors, and carriages. Rather, I am coming against the haste of the modern Christian march to marriage and advocating for…

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What is a Woman’s Highest Calling?

She sat across from me in my office, trying to decide what to do next—grad school or get married. And then she said it. “Well, a woman’s highest calling is to be a wife and mother…” I was a little taken aback. At the time I was single, in my mid-thirties, completing a PhD. If she was right, I’d not…

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Unequally Yoked

When I was dating, there was a lot of thought about finding my equal. . . No, not my equal. In fact, I was looking for my superior, for that was what I was told I needed as my “spiritual head.” (never mind the fact that “spiritual head” is not actually a biblical phrase, or that “head” often means “source”…

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Romantic Comedy Mythology

Dear Movie Producers: You have really messed up my understanding of romantic relationships. I am not a movie buff, but I like movies, and am deeply affected by what I see. Honestly, I have a hard time separating movies (and books, for that matter) from reality. I feel like the actors and characters are my friends, or myself, and that…

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Problems with Purity

The youth leader held a beautiful rose in her hand, stated that it symbolized Jane’s purity, and then proceeded to tell Jane’s story. First, Jane kissed a boy and then they broke up, so the leader pulled a petal off the rose and it dropped to the floor, diminishing the rose’s beauty. Jane dated another boy for a year, but…

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Marriage: There Are No Ideals

My Christian subculture tells me that the best marriage is one where the husband and wife lead ministry together. Anything else is somehow sub-par. Following this, I always wanted to marry a pastor. I thought it would be the ideal life—we’d minister together and God would be glorified. Then I dated a pastor, and it’s not all it’s cracked up…

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